perception21

Intimacy 2.0

Couple of years ago, “literally” couple of years ago I wrote a poem on sex/intimacy; on my perception of it. And now, I feel like I can be said in terms of verse form also. At that time I thought that it was too much for me to write about. I was hesitant to be honest. What I penned then and have now, are the definition of intimacy to me.

Instagram Page – Instagram.com/shilpasrecitals

– holding hands.

Not just the numerous air strikes that hit your heart when one does that. But the actual joy, agony and yearning to know that the other person also feels the same way. The ecstasy it gives when you know that they want it too, it’s above heaven. The pounding of the heart with the fingers twisting themselves, the anxious mind pouring down its fear from the forehead, the impeccable feeling and the moment of the feet in doubt; as in to do it, or to cease…

That’s intimacy.

A blow of cooler winds will ease the heart once the hands are locked.

– eye contact

Now, that’s trust 🙂

In a world where hickeys are adored, nail prints are praised to be the sign of intimate moments, “eye contact” is an underrated G O L D.

When you’re unsure of the feelings. The feelings you have for them and if they have “feelings” for you at all. The fear, affection and innocence in gazing at them; it’s a wholesome feeling.

If you know this, you are lucky.

If you have been through this, you are blessed.

But, if you and your significant other have locked eye contact accidentally, and you both have blushed away from it once it’s happened… man,

G O D L O V E S Y O U.

– the butterflies that you get without physical contact.

Call me old school, which I am and I’m kinda never getting away from it but, this feels like that one tequila shot that hits just right!

1. The fear and anxiety and happiness when you accidentally near them in the hallway or any other place.

2. When they accidentally like and adore you for the way you adore them.

3. When they respect your feelings.

4. When you see them smile and laugh a “Greek-gods smile from a distance!!!!”

5. When they are being protective.

6. When they treat you like a baby and like being treated like a baby.

7. When they can handle your emotions and listens to you rant about that one annoying relative who’s ruining your day.

8. Forehead kisses.

9. When they notice your outfit, hair and your accessories.

10. When they treat you like a homey and a princess!

– little instant meet-ups over text/call

Texting and calling has only made the distance reach a further extent. A random surprise meeting-up and just a 5 minute rant about each other’s day would make all the difference.

– non expensive gifts!

If she cooks for you, you’ve won her heart. If he buys you little traditional gifts/ accessories, you rule his heart. ( Bangles, Bindi, Shawls, Anklets, Jimikis, Saree! )

– little notes/letters

The amount of thought process that goes through a man and a woman’s mind to fix on a gift to buy their significant ,another is so sweet and adorable. It’s a clear sign of affection and inclusion.

Be it a 18 pages front and back letter Rachel gave Ross or, a tiny little cute note Peter gave Lara, it’s beautiful, very I N T I M A T E and makes them feel special and loved. It could be “You looked pretty today” or “I’m sad that Ronaldo failed in the World Cup” . It denotes a personal message that you share “only” with them. And that’s why, it’s always, always, A L W A Y S, intimate!

– playlist

Sharing the playlist and finding out that you both have the similar taste in music is too much of a blessing. When you share it, you share the memories that you hold with the songs as well. The moments you loved the song, the particular lyric that hits you hard, how you loved the guitar notes in it, and how you would have rather chosen SPB over Mohit will also be discussed. It can also end up in a fan war. But, if you can share your playlist, you’ll find a way back to vining like GVM’s main characters.

– little outdoor moments- star gazing, bike rides

The most exciting part would be this. To convince the other person to spend time alone with them. And the next thing would be, to find a place to hang out alone because it’s impossible for brown kids. My little dream is to stargaze with a significant other one day. How silly it would be! But also, how calm would we feel?!

The bike rides and the fear mixed with excitement to hug them! A never ending love story 🖤 Do I have to say more?!

He, resting his hands on your knee as you wait in the traffic whilst on the bike.

Her jaw is clutching onto his shoulder as she’s short and can’t hear what he’s saying when the wind is blowing too hard during the thrilling bike ride.

Haiyo! Hearts hearts emojis over their heads only!!!

-being open about the financial situation.

Be it a boy or a girl. Even with friends, one wouldn’t reveal their entire economical situation. It would be a very close friend if they do so. Why? Because it’s always considered a part of your self-esteem.

But in a relationship, when one does this, it means they trust you, it means that they see the future with you.

I mean, it starts with either of you stopping the other from the crazy craving that would cost 800rs when you have 1000rs in the account. And when you know to comfort them without that 800rs spent, you guys win, “for life!”

What more intimacy should one need?

This is intimacy. The fact that you feel extremely comfortable with the other person is what intimacy is. It’s how it is supposed to be!

With lots of love and good vibes for 2023,

~ Shilpasrecitals 🙂 💜💫

I moved out of my house!

November 20 2020, the day my Pg life started. It was new, exciting and I had so many dreams in me like any other college-going girl. Most of this ‘excitement’ part has to do with me joining a college in the city for the first time, and will need to move out for the first time, live without my parents for the first time!

As exciting as it all seemed, I always wished that I would finish my PG in my home and secretly wished for the lockdown to extend till I finished it. But, God had other plans.

We all know that the regular academic year starts from July and ends in December. But ours started in November, ended in February and by June 2021 a whole year was over. That’s it, the first year of my PG was done and dusted in my home. We had no idea what to expect. What to hope for and what to not.

After a week, by June 16, the first day of our second year started. And we were informed that soon, the offline classes could start! That took us all by shock. I hadn’t confirmed my hostel yet, I didn’t have any known friends in PG to stay with me so that I’ll still be in my bubble but damn! When God plotted my PG plan oh, did he do that very well!

July passed, August went by very quickly, then September, October flew away in a blink of an eye and then… November flashed before me. We were ordered that the students should be present in the campus by November 8th, as it is a GO. My mind was numb, as in I never wanted it to be but somehow, it was. The excitement in living by myself (no, I’m not completely independent yet ) faded away melodiously like a spring day’s song.

Days were nearing and I’m sure that I really was numb because, thinking about it I really didn’t know how it was going to be or what sort of ‘effect’ it would make in me. One good thing about it all, was that surprisingly, I did not expect anything. I jumped in blindly, like I usually do in almost every important phase of my life.

“Not expecting” or anticipating something with my hostel life has turned out to be really good. Because now I don’t have anything to regret, I don’t have anything to be “unhappy” for.

November 7 2021. The last day, which was supposed to be in my home before I move, Sunday. But I was sick. Surprise. I spent the previous day, Saturday, entirely on shopping for all the things that I needed for shifting and had eaten out. The water that I drank there must have been the problem. By Sunday, I was very unwell. I had to shift by then to get on with the classes by the next day, that is Monday. In spite of that, I moved by Monday, had a day off and resumed classes by Tuesday. When my Mum was about to leave, I cried like a baby. And that wasn’t a surprise, even to her!

The following days, the food at the hostel, atmosphere, people and the fact that I was struggling to find my space was all too overwhelming. I had four continuous days of emotional meltdown and my body did not support much, I had fever. And I finally moved to my hometown by Friday of that week. The very moment I decided to go home, the temperature went down. ( don’t laugh, I can hear you from here! )

I hadn’t had anything more than an idli or 1 dosa for almost an entire week. I did nothing but rest, rest and rest. But by Tuesday evening, I regained my strength and went out, bought all the groceries that was needed for my mother to make me my favorite “thakali bacchi” ( tomato curry ) and then I was ready to leave. By Wednesday, I happily left and had no sadness in my heart. Once my heart knew that home was not far away, my mind began coping up with it. And that was all I ever needed. When the heart and the mind are at peace, things will have to fall in the right place.

As I had mentioned earlier, this was my first time in a hostel, I’ve never lived alone or to have been in a situation where I needed to sacrifice my comfort zone. But hostel life gave me a huge storm to sail through. People, attitudes, words, jokes, perceptions were all distinct that I still find it hard to carefully interpret what people mean. But, things are getting better.

As much as I had found the bus travel odd and very off-putting earlier, I seem to slowly love it now. It’s strange how with almost 50 in a bus, I still find a space of my own. It’s almost like I travel on my own terms. It’s not that I resent human-conversation, I definitely don’t and I enjoy when innocent grannies enquire about the bus-stops whilst I myself know nothing! Honestly, I have twice got on the wrong bus and it has all ended with a anxious-laughter in my heart.

College Vlog

It’s the little moments that make us laugh about ourselves that stands out in these testing times. But what I learnt from this new journey is the fact that I did not expect anything from the start and so I didn’t get affected when things weren’t necessarily “good.”

Bottomline: Jump in right-away. Embrace every walk of life. It’s always the little things that matter.

With lots of love to write and ponder,

Shilpasrecitals 😉

Recaptured Obsession!

As humans we all would have had many obsessions that made us all feel good. That obsession could be on a cartoon, on a movie character, on a book, on a place, on a car or anything that’s out there. Meanwhile that obsession would have lived with you, or maybe even taught a life lesson. To have this obsession is a different feeling and to retouch that treasure after a long time is beyond a treasure given at the time of need.

The savour of “obsession” retouched would make you feel too good. Of such recapture of my long loved obsession was the song, “Maalai Neram” from Aayirathil Oruvan sung by the most amazing, talented Andrea Jermia and composed by GV Prakash Kumar.

I was very young when I first heard the song. My early memory of this track is the instant feeling of ‘being touched or transcended’ in some way or I was very young to actually recognize the feeling. The song was something else, extraordinary I should say. The voice of Andrea has always won to mesmerise the listener but this song is something beyond just hitting the perfect notes. The way her voice melts with the tune or the cue of the lyric is too ecstatic.

I love the lyrics. But I am also sad that I only noticed them a month ago. Only now I noticed and felt and felt again the meaning of the lyric, as I now understand that I have been very young to understand it then.

Music is something that goes beyond the man-made barriers. It travels past these petty walls and captivates the hearts. To be honest, all the art forms has this unique power. And this song is no exception in that.

This song seems, to my understanding; to address a love that’s gone. But I can also interpret it to be addressing an unrequited love. Not many love songs expound and emote the feel of love without involving lust in it, without adhering it with physical needs and attraction. Of one such beautifully written, composed and sung, is this song. Maalai Neram.

I’ll share with you the lines that touched me the most and will try my level best to translate it.

“உன் கரம் கோர்க்கையில்

நினைவு ஓராயிரம்

பின் இருகரம் பிரிகையில்

நினைவு நூறாயிரம்”

When we hold hands, I get to dwell in hundreds of memories whilst when we part ways, those memories become thousands…

“காதலில் விழுந்த இதயம்

மீட்க முடியாதது

கணவில் தொலைந்த நிஜங்கள்

மீண்டும் கிடைக்காதது”

A heart that fell for love cannot be rescued.

And the moments of reality lost in a dream won’t be regained as well.

“ஒரு முறை வாசலில்

நீயாய் வந்தால் என்ன

நான் கேட்கவே துடித்திடும்

வார்த்தை சொன்னால் என்ன”

Why can’t it happen, that you come to my place to tell me what I’ve been longing to hear?

“இரு மனம் சேர்கையில் பிழைகள்

பொறுத்துக்கொண்டால் என்ன

இரு திசைப்பறவைகள் இணைந்தே

விண்ணில் சென்றால் என்ன”

When there is a matter of union of two hearts, faults shall wither. Why can’t two different birds fly together?

“என் தேடல்கள் நீ இல்லை

உன் கனவுகள் நான் இல்லை

இருவிழிப் பார்வையில்

நாம் உருகி நின்றால் என்ன”

You are not my quest. I am not your dream. Why can’t we just stand there drowned and lost in each other’s eyes?

I feel that to any writer, the success is not with the sales or popularity. It’s how their words impact the reader. I’m not in love. But these words make me want to feel, as such! And this is the success of the writer. How it makes the reader think about it, that they are essentially disturbed, that she/he wants to consume more and more of the writer’s work.

Here, the motive to write this blog is to acknowledge the success of the songwriter. Your words have lingered into my mind and I have not stopped contemplating the lyrics. It makes me want a love like this.

Share your “recaptured obsession” with me in the comments below.

With lots of amusement,

Shilpasrecitals 🙂

7 Aspects of a strong marital relationship that brown culture never taught us!

We are in a fast moving society with books replaced by Kindle, Phone calls replaced by Instagram and Whatsapp, being an Engineer or a Doctor are not the only ambitions and where pandemic is the new causality.

Picture and Inspiration of this blog – Poemsporn_

Though some of these changes are obviously fruitful, some prove to be a boon turned bane with the misinterpretation of its uses. But, what about something that’s never been changed? That still persists to exist in the same form as it was many years ago? No, I am not talking about Women Safety; not in this blog, but “Arranged Marriage!”

Yes, many across our Country are either forced into it against their will and many are accepting their parent’s will with all their heart and consent. What’s more of a seemingly shocking and serious question is that not all men or women in our Country have got the right to marry whenever they want and whoever they want. With “when” comes the “societal pressure” and with “whom” comes the curse of the entire subcontinent “caste.”

But, apart from all this, if any of my close ones get to marry someone through an arranged alliance, what should be their expectations? What should be their questions to put forth? Is love the only necessity? Or financial security or just the appearance? What is important actually?

With most of us, brown kids known to have asked “financial security” being the only question to the grooms’ side; I saw an Instagram post that triggered me to write this very blog. Let me get on with it with purely my interpretation, my opinion and I would love to hear yours too in the comments.

Bills

This is not about who pays what, this is about sharing the responsibility I guess. We ask for equality but never seem to understand the very word. For an instance, when a snake comes inside a house, we still urge and actually expect the men in the house to go catch or kill it. My question is, is it fair that we relate these kinds of advancements from men to handle a situation to his “manliness?” Is it fair to expect such things of men? I mean has the snake told anyone that it wouldn’t hurt men? ( Trust me I’m thinking to write a blog on this, do comment if you want it ) It’s absurd. Thus, sharing bills refers to actually being “equal.” and women doing otherwise are no less to the working women because they are the home makers! Thus, to discuss the ways and plans to run the household and to implement it together is essential to be discussed. It will help people understand their grounds.

2. Credits and Debts

Financial freedom and security are two very different things. I’m in my very early 20s but I’ve seen a lot, trust me. Where there is financial insecurity it wouldn’t be good. I’ve been blessed to live under a roof that has a healthy root when it comes to this aspect but I’ve seen my relatives struggling. There would be fights, disappointments, arguments and misunderstandings. To be open with the partner about their credits and debts would give them a clear idea of the financial status. So that they together work to mend the path. Else, without realising the situation of the partner one could not provide enough support which may lead to mishaps.

3. Religious Views

To have a partner who accepts one the way they are, with their values, principles and religion is truly a blessing. Hence, to avoid any courteous issues later, it is important to know and see if the soon-to-be couple’s religious choices are accepted and respected by each other.

4. How to deal with families

Respect and love for each other’s family is the only way to go down this road. Not all the people along the road are going to like us, or going to hate us. But when it comes to marriage, it’s not just two people uniting, but it’s two families. Thus, no matter what, either one has to adjust to the circumstance for the sake of their partner, or avoid a relationship with such a family background whose views and attitudes stay contradictory to theirs.

5. Childhood Traumas

When the partner is in love with you, or you have been in a relationship with them for over a respectable amount of time, the “trust factor” would be built. It would be easy for them to share their happiness, sadness and their darkest sorrow with you. But it’s the opposite in the Arranged marriages. It’s a stanger. Hence, it would be a mindful conversation to ask this,, for it will aid you to understand where they’ve come from and what are all they’ve faced. This conversation deals with their mental agony and their current state of mind. One thing to keep in mind is to stay as supportive as possible and to be “non-judgemental.

6. Sexual Expectations and Partner Expectations

The only answer that comes to my mind for the first section of the sub-title is to move to “love” first. How would you discuss this with a stranger? This would not even be a matter of question in a love marriage. From all that I know, it’s better to fall in love first and then the rest will just flow. With Partner Expectation, I guess it will depend on each individual’s life and what they’ve been through. For instance, if a person has lacked parental love in their life, they will automatically tend to develop a longing for that love and it will lead to expecting it from the life partner. Thus, it is important to know if you are comfortable around your partner to get into both of these aspects of marriage.

7. Family Health History and Mental Health History

Family Health History and Mental Health History go hand-in-hand as far as I know and have seen. It’s the style of your brought-up and the mental traumas that shape your experience as a human and thus your attitude and character have a huge influence on these. For example, a person who went through so much domestic violence and abusive behaviour can either reflect that in their life positively or negatively. That is, those experiences may lead them to treat their partner and their child the same way they have been treated or, they will be over-protective of their loved ones. So make sure to remember this aspect when analyzing your partner’s character so that you know ‘why’ they’re doing what they’re doing.

Political views, dreams, bucket lists, music preferences and more would add on to this list. These could determine their choices and these minor aspects need not be the same with yours all the time. Remember, it’s easy to live with the person who likes what you like, but the true effort of love would be to understand and respect the differences.

When I began writing this blog, I thought these aspects are for arranged marriages and in the process of writing I have realised that these are for “Marriages” in general and these are bloody important. It’s high time, at least according to me, that people get to marry whom they love because it’s with whom they’re going to live for the rest of their lives.

I hope this blog gives you enlightenment. Please don’t just look for love and financial security in a relationship because it’s two souls’ union to become one and it’s never done with just money or caste or astrology.

With lots of intrigued thoughts,

Shilpa Recitals.

War – What is it good for?

My first memory of War is the Srilankan War. The death of Mr Prabhakarar is what makes me say this. I could have been in my 3rd or 4th grade then; the whole of Tamil Nadu was thunder stunned along with the world. At that age, all I knew was that he was the idol of Tamil People there. He was defeated and killed brutally and his picture was censored on the cover of “Reporter”, “Junior Vikadan” and the other Tamil Weeklies my father used to buy. Peripa and Appa were involved in serious discussion about it, like any other Tamilan. They were suspecting that it could be another one of Mr Prabhakarar’s master plan, where he comes alive and shocks the enemy. I remember the following week’s Tamil Weeklies Cover Image depicting Mr Prabhakarar watching the TV; watching the news of his death being telecasted. I was so much into all these conversations. I naturally loved the discussions of Politics and the issues and the political figures. To be honest, I used to be an ardent fan of Mr Veerappan as well. I loved his mustache and how he had so much magnificence attached to his name. Everyone used to be terrified just hearing his name. Other State goons, terrorists and one againsts social welfare never entered Tamil Nadu’s Forest regions, it was his Kingdom, and he was the King; literally. The news of his death broke my little heart actually. My father read it to me from “Dinamalar.”

Since the death of Mr Prabhakarar and Mr Veerapan I haven’t had any such intense idols of pure class and mastery and courage. But I have heard other news of terrorist acts. Like, bomblast in Ariana’s Concert, a bomb blast in Coimbatore and many others. But what made me write this blog is the recent invasion of Afghanistan by the Talibans.

I have no intention to get on with the complete info of it. You guys might have already known about it. You would’ve seen the image of thousands of Afghans running for their lives, clinging onto the plane for survival, from which three fell off and two had already died. You would have also seen Afghan Women who are struck there fearing their lives, education, freedom and their dignity. Women send out their kids with the blanket off to India just so that they can “live.” You would have seen all this in Instagram and from the other Social Media platforms.

As just another human being I can do nothing of any sort that is going to stop this. After all, if the UN has nothing to do with this, who am I? All I can do, all I know, is just to write, to reflect my thoughts. But I have always had one thought lingering in my mind since the very day I heard of Srilankan War, and that is

“WHY?”

As in why this anger and evil plots to kill other human beings, why does one have to invade another’s home country? What’s with all the borders? The Military, Navy, Army officials guarding the nation day and night and many being killed in the due course… Why all this? I mean what for? Who are we to set the borders? Who are we to separate and name each Nation and to declare that other’s shouldn’t be allowed after a particular geographical area? Who the hell are we?

And what does it give us? What is the end result? We are certainly not going to take any material wealth that we earned during our lifetime to the graveyard. So why all this? I have known from a personal experience that life is bloody uncertain. Tomorrow is uncertain, next hour, next minute is uncertain.

So why can’t we just live our lives with love and compassion for one another? And leave the rest to the almighty’s hands?

Why can’t life be like that? It’s so simple. Why are we complicating it?

Why?

With so much more questions and thoughts,

Shilpasrecitals.

Money Plant and the accidental life lesson!

The love for gardening hasn’t spared anyone I guess. It’s just the natural and the most real instinct in us, which roots back to our primitive occupation. Every human will have an immediate sense of “ecstacy” when one sees a water body, an elephant and a beautiful greenery. I have these three impulses inculcated very deeply in my genes. The recent fascination for me was to grow the “Money Plant.”

The Money Plant is the common climber variety that’s grown in most of the homes believing to attract fortune and for visual aesthetics also.

In my case, I wanted the former more desperately than the latter. So, I gathered my guts and asked for the Watchman Thatha in the house in my neighbourhood to cut me some branches. He was generous enough to give me that without even thinking twice. I was happy.

But, I have this inbuilt preoccupation in my mind. That if I say something out loud to everyone, even my near and dears; that plan would either slow down or fail totally. I know, sometimes I behave like a typical aunty but trust me, I am not.

So I kept it a secret. I grew it in two separate bottles on the balcony. I had already had the elevation to be done right around the portico with it!

But, one of the plants grew and the other didn’t. I tried switching places and changing the soil but one plant wouldn’t grow, it actually died. I was upset. A relative of mine, an elderly one, mocked me for it, with the fortune part. I was a little upset. But, surprisingly I didn’t give up.

I took out a skin care product’s glass container that I had bought a zillion years ago and didn’t use, and planted the other plant that grew. I made sure to cut the healthier tiny branch and planted it. Added a tiny layer of soil and kept the rest of the place for water.

One of the branches died, again. I was still upset but surprisingly didn’t give up, again. I cut off the dying branch and kept the healthier one. And after nearly a month of struggle from the beginning, the plant grew. It grew slower but steadier. ( Cliche I know but it suits the scenario, doesn’t it?) I even added new sand and a new root variety base for it to grow healthier.

And now, I haven’t earned a billion dollars after it’s growth. I haven’t built that evelevation that I planned for the portico either. I learnt a lesson. In life, I am usually impulsive, impatient and just enthusiastic and adventurous to jump into anything that sounds crazy and adventurous, that is, I am a sagittarius. For an impatient girl like me, it was tough to do this thing without giving up.

What I learnt from it might help you too, so here it is:

1. Stay hopeful.

2. Do not listen to people who give negative judgement also, don’t ignore constructive criticism.

3.Just one of the two plants died earlier, your plans may also fail. But find the root of the plan and execute it differently.

4. The branch died even when I shifted them to a glass container and with a nourished environment. Your plans may also fail like the branch but, there’s always a way to come back again, like the healthier branch.

5. As I added a new base for it’s much better nourishment, you have to work on the success to ensure it’s stronger and reliable in tough situations.

6. Life is a “trial and error” process. Always remember that.

I hope to have added a meaningful, fun and relishing five minutes to your day. Just don’t be bothered so easily. If you are, then make the little nuisance as your inspiration to break it down into pieces. And keep doing what you love with patience and persistence.

With more love for black coffee & JB’s music, 🖤🌻🦋🌌

Shilpasrecitals & Veeraspen.

I wish I didn’t gothrough that!

I am quite unsure how this blog is going to turn up when I hit the “Publish” button. I feel sick to my stomach, I feel irritated, I feel extremely annoyed and “shocked” or even “thunder struck” this very moment. What you’re going to read now could be “silly” or “overreacting” for someone but, I really hope, at least one finds this serious because this is kind of so “saddening” and bringing “mental agony” to me.

It happened today, exactly by 3.55 pm.

It’s the time I use to pick my Mum from school, she is a working woman, she has been a Govt School Teacher for more than two decades now. For the past 3 years, I have been helping Mum whenever I could by being her “transport” means.

Her School is located in Tirupur Road, in our Town; I have been here since my birth. The fact that this has happened in my own hometown really makes me feel sick. It’s just less than 3 km from my home. And since Lockdown I have been dropping off and picking her up by myself as the classes are only online. Through this time, I have been familiar there with the Petrol bunk, the non-teaching staff in the school also recognize me. So I’ve got used to it.

Today, as usual, I went on to pick her up. By 3.50pm I started the ride from my home. Because it’s literally my province, I mostly go out in my casual wear, which is Shirt and Pants. ( I really feel bad detailing what I wear and this is just so unfair. And I even wear Coat over the shirt irrespective of the weather because of the “Men” staring at me inappropriately. )

I crossed roads as I was taking a shortcut today. It was in SH 87 to be exact. So I got on the road and now I am on SH 87 and I saw a Bike, black bike with two men. They both were wearing “Black” shirts. I could not not down the number plate. But the number started from “32.”

The moment I got on the road and crossed the immediate barry gate, I saw that they were passing some comments and they were trying to come “parallel” with my vehicle. I was quite annoyed. So I slowed down by letting them pass from me and they were not going to quit. The one driving, he kept on looking at me through the mirror and the other man, he turned back several times and it was getting weirder and weirder. To escape from them, I sped up and crossed them and landed on the left corner of the lane, which is my safer place. Though I have been driving since my 8th grade, and have got my license, I never speed up or drive harshly because I am actually pretty scared. Till date, 60 has been my highest speed because I love my Mum, and I would not risk anything when I have her behind me.

I felt quite ok when I crossed them but, I could see that they were speeding up. They suddenly came parallel to me again, and looked at me, at this time they were just half-a-feet away from me. I was terrified, they could have pulled my chain, harassed and what not. They passed on some comments that I never replied or heard actually from the sound.

I slowed up to 30 and my heart was actually pounding, they went ahead of me and they kept on checking their rear mirror. Then they went far and I was just so scared.

I told my Mum about this and she was very angry. A minute after that I myself asked my Mum if I should wear “CHURIDAR” henceforth. She said yes because it is much safer.

When I reached home 10 minutes after that, I thought to myself; if I cannot feel safe in my own town, where else will I feel this?

The moment they went past me, I didn’t show the middle finger at them I didn’t shout some cuss words. I told myself out loud, “I need to write about this!”

I mean this is 2021. It’s not a night time that I went out or to a party or something…this is right in the middle of the day, by 3.55 pm in the afternoon! On a State Highway! And I was wearing the most appropriate clothes, a closed neck tee shirt and full length pants unlike my 3/4th like the other days!!!!

Those men would have been 35-40. The one that was sitting behind was a NorthIndian. If something had gone wrong and I I had panicked and ended up in an accident because of this on a SH, who would answer for my life? To my family? To my Mum who’s waiting for her daughter to come, take her home?

I did not have to write this. I did not have through this. When is this going to stop? And the fact that men of my age, say 20-30 really actually bring no trouble, they behave as respectful as possible as far as I’ve seen. But these guys, who are over 35… what the hell is wrong with you people?

To all these low- life creatures, who stare at Women inappropriately who drive two-wheelers when they drive past the “speed-breakers” ( even when I happened to wear a COAT OVER MY SHIRT EVERY bloody TIME) and the Men who just live their life to not let a Woman drive her vehicle in peace… when the hell are you gonna stop?

With anticipation for a change,
Veera 🙂

How puzzled life can be? My before and after!

7.45 PM May 28, Thursday 2020.

I am now seated in my Dad’s work chair, unable to resume the Duolingo Hindi sessions though I promised my Mum and myself that I was about to get on with it.
Just few minutes ago I made six sticky notes and pasted it on my wall to somehow have an inevitable energy to begin with the reading session or the language session as I mentioned above.
But, I rather took my phone; surfed through my Instagram page and wondered what I didn’t do or what content I didn’t give to earn more followers in my professional page. I suddenly came next to my WordPress site and thought how confused I am with my Webnovel website and this Blog page.

For the past couple of months I’ve been overwhelmed with options that I myself looked into. I’ve been worried about my Post Graduate admissions whilst my UG’s 6th Sem is seemingly long buried under the land of uncertainty due to Corona. I’ve been thinking where I should do my PG and if my Mum and sister will be able to manage it all without me. I’ve been thinking if I should choose Chennai or Coimbatore or London as I had decided earlier.
But London seems impossible for now, considering the affordability and not having Dad around to take care of Mum and sister here.

Day before yesterday, I had even contemplated quitting education and starting a business and my other ambitions whilst staying home. I thought that way I’ll be with my Mum, right by her side and be able to earn instead of spending much on education.

But, afterall I am still confused, how am I supposed to know what I should be doing and what I shouldn’t?!

Should I study and pursue my Writing Career or should I stay home and invest that money in business or… what?

Even if I had to decide… how am I gonna do that? How am I supposed to figure life when I’m at it’s gate?

I guess eventually I have to decide.

10.41 PM Wednesday Feb 24th, 2021.

I am righting this now, seated on the same Chair of my Appa’s. That day I promised myself that I’ll leave this blog and in the drafts and will finish it once I join “any” college!

I swear, I lost hope. I didn’t want to study nor did I thought I would get placed anywhere as I couldn’t get to join Loyola though I was technically given a seat actually. I was messed up. On 27th October of 2020, it has hit me clear that Loyola was not for me. I had no chance of whatsoever. By 27th October’s evening I decided to apply for PSG for backup as MCC and MU were still in line. I applied for PSG a couple of days before they announced the selection results. I was all actually an effort gone vain.

With utter fear of not being placed anywhere, I applied for PSGR Krishnamal which was my backup at the neck of the moment. I applied for both SF and Aided stream of MA English. On 28th October of 2020 and 30th was the closing date for application. Whenever I called, they said they were people waiting with 80 percentage for Adied Seat allotment and with 71 percent, which was the highest I scored in my UG though everyone knows there was scam involved in my grading; was not enough and they clearly stated I had no choice. I was devastated. Annoyed and didn’t know what to do.

By 29th October 2020, the evey next day, I received call from the institution stating that my application has been accepted. Then, I was confused to take on the opportunity or to dump it as it was from SF stream not Aided. I thought MA in Sf was too extravagant. So I took a days time, completely confused. At the middle of the night, I even made lots! I did this as I remembered my Mum saying to me that she did this whenever she had to decide, praying the Almighty. So I did it too, at the middle of the night. One of the lot paper was written “Krishnammal” on it and the other “Stay home!” Everytime I took it, it happened to be “Krishnammal” though I wanted it to be “Stay Home!”

The Next Morning, my Mum refused to talk with me as I was saying that I wanted to stay home. Then I asked her to pick one from the lot, I prayed to God and said to myself that whatever she picked up, I’ll concede with it. And “Krishnammal” was what she picked even after 3 trials!

So yes, after tons of confusion about Loyola, MCC and MU, and couple of “admission” collapses, I’m now doing my MA English in PSGR Krishnammal College for Women.

It’s February 2021 now, and I’m two days away from finishing my first semester at PSGR Krishnammal. I’ve got great friends here already though we haven’t met in person. My tutors are great though they can be a little more lenient in paper evaluation and with questions in exams! Just kidding, to ge honest; they are great, kind, appreciative and compassionate and I just hope that I feel the same way about this entire process of PSGR till the last day of this PG Program.

I thought I was unlucky to have missed Oxford and Loyola but, God knows the best and he gives the best! What else can I say?!

So just have faith and trust the process for God really knows what’s good for you. I wanted to write this as this progress was a mental torture for me. I was annoyed but I forgot that every problem comes with a solution. As a conclusion, I just want to quote here what I learnt in Bacon’s Essay “Of Adversity.”

“Prosperity doesn’t come without pains and Adversity without comforts.”

Cheers, with lots of love for Writing and Black Coffee;
Yours,
Veera;)

The “never fairly” debated debatable topic: Casteism!

“Caste” is a mere 5 letter word but the significance given to it and the pride one takes in being it’s deity is a evidently magnanimous. The Origin of Caste System takes us all the way back to the age of Indo-Aryan Immigration. And if you’d Google the definition of Caste, there comes number of websites and their own versions of definitions. And one such website suggested definitions would be, “The Divisions of society based on
differences of wealth, inherited rank or privilege, profession, occupation, or race. But what about the definitions from “Vedas” from which the Caste system was introduced, through the religion i.e., Hinduism? Bhimrao Ambethkar states that the very origin of Casteism; Vedas, suggest eleven different versions of its definition. And hence, we know that the system itself was quite uncertain about the formulation and implementation of ‘caste’.

History has been made. Though there is no beneficiary to be attained with debating the blunder of the paste, it is also important to recognize its consequences. Religion has played the sole role in the origin of Caste, its prospects and implementation. There is no debate about it. The Consequences have been ruthless, uncompensatable and unjust. But, irrespective of what the consequences were and still are, these cultures, traditions, customs and rituals have made India what it is today.

Here, I’d like to mention a great Tamil epic Silapathigaram, where the King’s son accidentally kills a calf during his public procession. To serve Justice to the heartbroken victim; Cow, without thinking twice the King pronounces his own son guilty and gives him a death sentence. Our land is such that our literature depicts our culture going hand-in-hand with Justice.

But Caste System and its “deities” with their notions and actions are a loop-hole to the culture, to the state and to the country even to the world! And if we wish to hold our culture and tradition onto a higher ground, we need to “fix” this loop-hole. And to be honest, “loop-hole” is a pretty “petty” label for Caste System for it has taken number of innocent lives as its fuel for it to glow the light of “savagery”.

We’re all are tired of preaching about it, commenting our opinions, putting forth one’s different take on caste and everyone’s different way of its implementation. But, if those were a solution, why am I writing this blog? And why are you reading it?

Because, eradicating Caste system is quite “not so possible” with our Vedas, religions teaching it to us since the birth and we shall admit that the sense of caste differences is in our blood and nerves. It’s there when you suspect your innocent and truthful Muslim friend if he had ever had beef, or when incessantly seek a way to find if your Christian friend is a converted one or it’s the other way. And the sense is also there when a teacher or a professor can’t take a student from other community shining bright and it’s there when one dies to figure out if his new colleague is from his own kin. And it wouldn’t eradicate that easily owing to the existence of the most dangerous media ever known, “society.” And this so called “Society” is but a bunch of conservative brains that agrees not to perceive men and women as humans but a member of a certain community. And isn’t it ‘the prominent cause’ of this caste to have become an essential element of our social lives?

As quoted earlier, if this hypocritical prejudice “was” existent in “just” the past and not today, this blog wouldn’t have been written.

Just because it’s a part of our history, it doesn’t have to be practised anymore even though our conscience knows that it’s nothing but the act of pure “unjust” and “inhumane.”

So what is really keeping us on-board, having us all stuck to the “Caste System” and to an extend “Casteism?” It’s because of the “sense” of caste, considering caste to be an entitlement, a privilege, a pride. But, what we fail to acknowledge is that it’s a mere “label.” The British Government imposed the Caste System for easier understanding and administration of the people, of the society. What’s existing today is rather disturbing.

Let’s try to picture it like a Cricket game. For an uninterrupted or qualified Cricket match to be held, the weather is important, yes I know. But, there has to be eleven members from each team, captain, a Vice Captain, an opener, three or four middle order batsmen, a finisher, a skilled wicket keeper, fielder, an Umpire, and a commentator: to elevate the match’s tension. When they are on the ground, they are labelled as the terms above and when the match ends, they are all “crickets, and their ‘label’ or ‘designation’ doesn’t matter anymore. They’re all one and the same.

The same notion has to be carried out with the “Caste System.” Think for a second, if designations in Cricket were set like we mistook caste, what would’ve happened?

If only Sachin’sdescendants were to be given the 4th position, the world would’ve lost Virat Kholi, he wouldn’t have existed. What if only Dravid’s heirs were to become India’s Captains? M.S. Dhoni, the incredible captain wouldn’t have existed.

So why discriminate and pull down a fellow human and an aspirant just because he is not from the same flock as one’s? Those of privileged have their “surnames” to back them up but, the true aspirants have their “ability” and “persistence.” And hence they did not just give in; they learnt the pitch and their pace, the length of the boundaries and scored that century. And why banish them just because they are the not a “batsman’s” son or that she is a spinner’s daughter?

The frame of the Caste System is as simple as this. And this goes the same for Nepotism also. Isn’t that quite obvious?

So all this time, we’ve been giving so much unnecessary importance to a mere label and have been hurting lives those were meant to smile and shine.

Youth of today, who are the only chance to bring about a change, agree with the notions above but they are also the one’s that’s proudly has their caste label as their surnames in their profile and in their bio. This system is so corrupted that the purest emotion, love blooms post “caste” confirmation. And having their caste label as their surname is fine until and unless their pride is not imposed or to a greater extend implemented in such a way that it brings discomfort of any means to others.

Now, from let me pour it out to you, let me be super honest to ask this question, when this thin line between “fine” and “misconduct to others” happens…am I entitled to call these people out, to end this savagery or who in the world is entitled to call those crude conduct and notion in the name of “caste?”

None.

Governments and Courts have punished many in the past for such misconduct but shouldn’t it be over by now if that solution had worked? And about the government, when eligibility of a candidate to represent a District in the MLA elections is never based on education qualifications, or analytical or aptitude testing like in UPSC but just with “Caste oriented” allotment, how in the earth is it possible for this “caste” to just be eradicated?

And why does it go over the line, say to honour killing and caste-dominance at in workspace, at schools, colleges, roads, etc.? Because, the pride and privilege renders them a sense of “power.” And where does this power come from?

Do they feel it since their birth into the certain community? Or is it inbuilt in the ones those who work hard to uplift the clans of their community and pull down, even seize the opportunity from the others? Or do they owe it to their parents who fed them this “sense” of caste since childhood?

One cannot answer. Because it has it all those aboard.

And finally, is there a chance to change this “uncivilized” notion from the minds of the “civilised” only from the ‘outside’?

I G N O R A N C E

No, not ignoring the person, as it would be easily for them to ignore one back. Ignore their power, only when one recognize it, it’s actually there. Ignore their “sense of pride,” that them urges to bring one down. When one recognizes their sense of pride and power, only then it’s actually a pride and power. When one ignores their pride, the game changes. Ignoring their crude efforts to bring one down and instead of shading, taking them up the ladder with them and teaching them to be “humane” will change the game. One Show them how peaceful being “humane” would be.

As many say, eradicating a part of culture though it is evidently a “cancer” to the society in a country like India, whose pride and heritage owes to its cultures, is quite “difficult” and can be “impossible.”

This cancer can co-exist with people who have understood the real prospects and aspects of Caste. But sadly, they can be of mere 40 per cent out of the total population.

But, it is also possible to survive this Cancer as many have. Remember, the man who drafted our Constitutional Law single handed was Bhimrao Ambethkar, who was not from a privileged background. Let’s look up to Mastero Illayaraja under whose music every singer irrespective of the so called “caste” longed to have a chance to record their voice. Let’s remember Priyanka Chopra who broke the chains of nepotism. Let’s remember Missile Man, Dr A.P.J Abdul Kalam’s success and his teacher who taught him lessons, keeping aside the crude customs. And one should know success will the best revenge and lesson to who to be taught.

Its when you survive this “Cancer” called ‘Caste,’ your “CHEMO” will be painful for T H E M.

It’s obvious that it’s hard until one gets a deserving opportunity whilst having millions of hyenas working hard to seize that opportunity. But, what’s life without bouncers?

And on a one final note, why do you think the bowler is not letting you to bat? Or throwing you a Yorker and a bouncer? Because he is scared that you will score him out!

With staircase to clean and nerves to cook and hella lot of thoughts to pen down,

It’s from Veera’s Pen. 🖤🌈🦋🌻

Feminism has to be redefined!

I was triggered to write on this widely debated topic as I myself was so confused for a very long time about the core principles of Feminism. Was it just about the right to wear the clothes of one’s interest? 🤯

Being a Literature graduate, I feel completely aware of what I am putting into words in this Article. I’ve come across the topics First, Second and Third Wave Feminism in the “Socail History of England” paper. I must say that it was pretty interesting to finally be enlightened with the actual facts of Feminist movement. And from the knowledge that I’ve gained there, I’ve written this article.

If you see yourself agreeing with these points, try also to acknowledge the time period that we’ve been misconceived with wrong notions about Feminism. Shame on us. And if you disagree, and you are offended by this article; then kindly know that you are ignorant towards the facts.

Now, getting into the “facts,” in early 90 and 20s Women fought for their rights. Their long cry for equality was seemingly unheard and hence they decided to get on the road once in for all. Their major demand was the right to vote, consideration of their suffrage ( to reduce women’s working hours as in a week), their role in the society and to eradicate cultural inequality.
But, Women of today are using the term “Feminism” to defend the way they dress and their act. Feminist movement actually focused on the rights of both men and women. It’s pretty clear in the prospects of 1st, 2nd and 3rd Wave Feminist movement.

Without complete knowledge on the aim of Feminism movement, one shouldn’t take it in hands; to defend their action.

Women and Men can wear whatever they choose to wear, it’s their basic right. And none can question them unless or until their code of dressing seems to offend the culture and the beliefs of the Nation.( Eg; Some parts of the Middle East they still have rigid dress codes for every Women even the foreigners. )

And thus, to everyone out there, do what your heart desires and wear what you want on your body but don’t call it “Feminism.” Because, it’s more than that.

From a fellow Woman, with solidity and 75 percent in Social History of England, ( it’s actually considered to be too good to score 70+ in any Literature paper! LOL)

Veera’s Pen.🖤🦋🌈